My eating has normalized to the point where the only real ‘restriction’ remaining (twtwtw) are beverages. Its still a challenge to drink anything other than soy milk and the whee bit of milk in my coffee. But in my defence, before my ED, I
-never liked sugar in coffee
-hardly drank non-diet pop
-did not have a Starbucks habit
-rarely drank juice
-wasnt much of a drinker (with the exception of bailey’s and piña coladas)
So it’s not too bad. But it would be great to be able to drink full calorie vitamins water without getting a panic attack and start crying in a waiting room full of passengers.
‘Binged’ breakfast and broke my 70hr clean record :(
I told myself I wouldn’t do this at my grandparents
But at the same time, it feels better now that my stomach isn’t about to explode.
By the enlarged photos of me at my sickest, hanging on the walls of my grandparents place.
My collar bones look like they’re about to pop out of my body. (Tw: And in a sick sick way, I want them back)
But I’m slowly recovering. I’m doing well.
Dad was not happy because we spent almost $100 on iron pills today.
I’d be unhappy too if I keep wasting money for a self-inflicted illness on a daughter that will just end up throwing it up anyways.
(( Is it bad that I cried?
I really needed this.
Thank you, quiet place. ))
I still have the tab open.
I really needed this. T__T <3
Oh god. <3 Going here everyday.
EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET NEEDS TO CLICK THIS
At first I thought it was an error, but then I got it and it’s like fucking epic. 8D
oh my god<3.
I think I’m just gonna leave this open in a tab cuz it’s really pretty…
THIS IS MY HOMEPAGE NOW
THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING.
This really made my day.
This is was so….wow.
reblogging this again.
do it. Every once in a while we all need this.
forever reblog in case some followers haven’t seen it :)
Saving this page :D
hahaha. i substract 103 pounds, because that an ENTIRE BODY this fabulous should not count against me.
I got my blood work results back today.
Check out my ferritin levels. Ferritin is the protein that binds to iron, and low values indicate an iron deficiency.A normal level should be between 30-300 ng/mL (although some labs use lower values of around 18-250). Mine is a shocking 6! How am I at a single digit when it should be a double or triple digit number?!? One of the comments on the ‘Consultant’s Report’ is ‘Normocytic Normochromic Anemia. Related to Chronic disease?’.
Chronic disease… and I’m not yet 20.
I’m horrified at the results, but I’m glad at the same time to find a reason behind my lethargy and weakness and muscle cramping. I’ve always known that ED-related anemia is common, but I never thought it could happen to me. I’ve always dismissed it because I thought I was too fat or binged too much to be deficient in anything.
It’s been a scary wake up call
THIS is what eating disorders do to your body
THIS is what could happen to you.
On a side note, my doctor revealed my weight by accident today. I’m back to my pre-ED weight, and I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.
A year wasted.
My weight won’t show the suffering and torment
All those times I came so close to giving up on living
All the tears I’ve cried in front of the mirror
All the energy I’ve spent on calorie counting
All the friends I’ve lost
All for nothing
I’m glad I found out my weight, actually.
I can’t avoid that number forever.
It doesn’t mean shit, which is why I won’t let it bother me.
I won’t be afraid of my scale anymore. It doesn’t define me. I won’t throw it out or smash it because I no longer feel that strongly about a damn scale, some damn numbers, or my damn relationship with gravity. Instead, I’ll leave it in the corner of my bathroom and check it when I need to.
So anyways, I have to take these proferrin tablets everyday and try to incorporate more iron into my diet.
It’s also time to start putting more effort into recovery to beat this shitty ass disease once and for all.
friendly reminder that:
- you are not weak if you want meds for your disorder
- you are not weak if you relapse once
- you are not weak if you relapse a thousand times
- you are not weak if some kinds of therapy don’t work for you
- you are not weak if some kinds of meds don’t work for you
- you are not weak if you have a mental disorder.
“If this gets 10k notes by tomorrow, I won’t kill myself”
“I know it won’t, but if this gets 5k notes by the 9th, I will stop cutting myself.”
There isn’t a single decent minded human being out there who wants you to kill yourself or continue to harm yourself or whatever your post is being made for. We all want you to be safe and happy. The problem with this approach is that notes are not going to fix you. Notes are not going to take the pain away or fix your problems or make you happy or change your thoughts. For things to get better, you need to tackle the causes and work at it. Notes might make you feel better for a little while, but it doesn’t change the fact that your problems are still there.
Ask for help, not notes. Reach out. Talk to someone. Ask for advice. Call a suicide hotline. Not only will it help you feel better, but you will be improving yourself at the same time. (:
There is always someone out there who cares about you, you don’t need notes to see that. Stay strong. Things get better(: I love you, and my ask box is always open! <33
liking someone who is already in a relationship
Liking someone who likes you back, but they’re already in a relationship
Liking someone who doesn’t like you back
Liking someone who doesn’t exist.
this easily became the best thing on tumblr
fuck “clean eating”
fuck skipping dessert
fuck choking down salad
fuck calling a mashed up banana and some oats a fucking cookie
fuck constant body checking
fuck being cold 24/7
fuck flat abs and thigh gaps and collarbones
fuck never going out because “oh shit there’s going to be food”
fuck loosing people
fuck you ed